Aloha

Good bye is a sentiment awkward for many people to express, including myself. I think it can be as uncomfortable as I love you because, when spoken aloud, it memorializes a moment whether you intend to or not. It is being too aware of the present, too aware of the possibility of a last time. And no one I know likes to have a last time of anything that has had any positive significance in their life, even on a small scale. No, the idea of a last time has too fair a resemblance to death. You can even want the change to take place, but it’s still tough, the finality of it. So, it seems easier to just let things hang in the air like a possible someday…again or a next time instead of a last time moment.

Switching gears for a sec…when I was doing voiceover workshops, one interesting thing that was suggested was to never dwell on how not to say something. For instance, if you are directed to end a phrase in an upward inflection think "upward at the end" when speaking it. Do not think "don’t bring the phrase down, down bring the phase down, down bring the…" Why? Because guess what you will do? Bring the phrase down. This was true almost every time in recording sessions. So, it was key to focus on what you want to happen and not on what you don’t want to happen.

Now back to goodbyes… I feel I’ve met some people in life who are so emotionally distraught about trying to not have a bad goodbye, that they create the worst goodbye scenario ever.
Example 1: Romantic relationships: The guy (or girl, but for this example I’ll use a guy) wants out, but doesn’t want to be viewed as the bad guy who does the breaking up, so he becomes distant hoping it will become the girl’s idea and she will take the initiative. This doesn’t really work as well in practice, as may appear in theory. Yeah, the breakup will happen, but it will be longest, most drawn- out, emotional rollercoaster and the guy will end up appearing as el asshole notorious. Never fails.

Example 2: Friendships/Family. Someone is moving away, going to college, getting married, starting a new career, whatever… and the known relationship is starting to dissolve a bit for all practical purposes. One may think the best way to do this and not become emotionally affected by it is to find as many annoying things about the friend as possible, so the transition is an easy one. It’s always easier to leave someone you can’t stand to be with, eh? Suddenly every little thing becomes seed for drama that will make you feel good about the goodbye. Because drama is exactly what you were focused on avoiding.

I am trying to be better at goodbyes. I am trying to focus on the good of the change and not the things I will miss. I feel I am getting better, though I’m far from a master. And I think how lousy life is for those who never learn to say goodbye at all.

Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I hate saying goodbye and I hate unnecessary drama. However, I do like saying hello. So, my new word is Aloha, which means both and I’m letting the chips fall where they may.