Blue Monday

So on this proclaimed Most Depressing Day of the Year per British psychologist Cliff Arnall, I get a new bus driver on my route who appears to be a bastard lovechild of Adam Sandler. I had to run to catch the bus today. As I stepped on I thanked the driver for waiting. He replied by laughing and saying he wasn't waiting for me.

O-kay...whatever.

He continued on some verbal comedy spree that I apparently missed due to turning the volume up on my headphones.

Then later, when another passenger stepped off the bus, he called out after them, "Don't forget to send me a postcard!" He threw his head back, reared his blonde head back in an obnoxious cackle, and then shut the door. The person didn't react at all, just kept walking. I didn't get the impression this was someone he knew. I couldn't help but notice that he exhibited all of the qualities I would expect in a person who could gun us all down in a spray of bullets from an automatic weapon that he' hiding under his pantleg. It was then that I shouldda known it was going to be a strange day.

Later, at work, the V.P. I'm an assistant to feigns a gesture of genuine thoughtfulness by giving me a "gift":a 2005 commemmorative, painted, gold-rimmed plate representing one of the properties that was no doubt discovered in a recent purging of unneccessary contents in the storage room. It's clearly meant to be mounted on a wall or sit in a display stand, but looks exceptionally tacky. I asked him, with a smile, what I should do with such a fine piece of...craftsmanship. Hang this in my living room? He raised his eyebrow and suggested that I consider using it as a cheese platter for dinner parties. Moments later, I read the fine print on the back that stated: NOT FOR FOOD USE. FOOD CONSUMED FROM THIS VESSEL MAY BE HARMFUL. Hmmm...

Did you hear what happened to that Jen girl who used to work here? Yeah, I heard she had a wine and cheese party in her tiny apartment and she and everyone who attended ended up dying of lead poisoning...Isn't that the strangest thing you've ever heard? So, anyway, how 'bout dem BEARS?